I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
