For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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