i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
