i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
