I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
