Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
