dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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