in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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