omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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