Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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