Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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