well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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