I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
