I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
