He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
