my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
