STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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