I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
