Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
