Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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