Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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