So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
