Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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