I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
