I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
