I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
