We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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