I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
