you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
