using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize