toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
