When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize