the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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