it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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