Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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