Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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