i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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