I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
