I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
