My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize