I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
