By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
