I must be too annoying 4 u.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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