you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
