My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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