This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
