PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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