i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
