dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
