If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
