he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
