drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
