Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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