He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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