you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
