can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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