like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
