so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
