I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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