Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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