Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
