Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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