Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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