You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
