So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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