He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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