I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
