gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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