if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
