this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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