This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
