they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
