I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
