Yo dont text me then not text me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
