Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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