Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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