Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
