So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
