I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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