I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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