If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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