Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
