Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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