people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
50% drunk capacity currently
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
