No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
