Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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