not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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