I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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