Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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