We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I forget how to act sober
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
