No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
