She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
