so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
