I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
