they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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