My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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