I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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