So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
