I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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