I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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